Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you will always have a special place in my vag
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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