Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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