i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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