At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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