thus making me awesome and them whores
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
