We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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