I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
