it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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