Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
