My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
