i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
