I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
