I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
