If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
