I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
