Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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