Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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