I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
