I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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