noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
