Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
