Already got asked if we're dating
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
