What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
