he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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