No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
stop calling my apartment porn island.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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