After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
