I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
