I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You took a bar mat shot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
