Sry I called you an 8
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
