can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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