I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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