I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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