I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
