try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
