I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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