I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize