What a fucking waste of an outfit
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
