shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
