There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
