So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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