Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
