Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
