AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
