You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
