Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
