love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
