I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
