He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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