got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
