That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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