OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What did we do last night that was yellow?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize