I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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