People in love make me want to vomit
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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