Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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