She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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