Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
