Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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