I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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